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nitephlight
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Name: Karthik
Gender: Male
Interests: Anime, Videogames, Magic the Gathering, Playing Guitar, Writing (Lyrics/Fiction), Fraternity (Sigma Beta Rho), Dreaming of being a rock star
Expertise: Utterly wasting my life away
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  NitePhlight
Member Since:
3/2/2004
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| Sex is mathematics. Individuality no longer an issue. What does intelligence signify? Define reason. Desire- meaningless. Intellect is not a cure. Justice is dead. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt anymore. Reflection is useless, the world is seneseless. Evil is its only permanence. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in... this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged.
- American Psycho
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| I want people to see me. Not know. Knowing is too personal- too close. I want them to just see and wonder. Wonder what makes me move, what makes me do the things I do. And I'll be happy when they wonder- cause thats all I am. A mannequin to look at. "Look at that!" they'll say, and they'll point. And I'll smile- that dumb plastic smile. They'll all praise me, but they won't know me- cause I won't let them. I won't let them see the plastic and wires.
And then I'll change- cause that's what I do. I change so they can say "Wow, that's so different!". And I'll smile- cause I want them to all see me change.
I'll keep changing, and they'll keeping seeing- until I find the real me and everyone goes blind.
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| Well aparently you can import your Xanga entries into Facebook now. A greater audience now, perhaps? Probably not, but here's to hoping!
Sometimes it's really nice to try to get back to your roots, but I think I've finally accepted the fact that I've grown up. It's not really shocking, but I do miss some of my youthful vices (which have been replaced by deeper and more devestating ones?). Part of me wishes I could go back in time and change things, but I've started to realize that growth means so much more than stagnation- so I'm glad that I've had my time to be an ignorant little idealist.
Well, I'm still a bit ignorant... and I suppose a bigger idealist than ever...
But I've grown a few inches? 
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Sometimes it's hard to see your true colors until you're pushed to your limit. I think alot of people hide their colors so that they can blend in with everyone else, or perhaps hide the person they really are. Too much of our life is dictated by our peers and community; it really makes you wonder how much free will you have over your life and actions.
So I say be puce or periwinkle and color outside the lines! The paper will always be there, but who knows what you'll find beyond its edges.
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| I just want to write here for the sake of writing and updating; not that I have anything interesting or insightful to say. I want to say that I've been bored, that I've been a bit depressed, and at the same time, a bit optimistic.
Not that things are particularly looking up or down- but life is going on. Maybe living is a perpetual state of grey rather than white or black; after all, if everything was good or bad, we'd tire of it. As of late, I tire of everything more quickly than I'd like to. I think as we grow older, our desires run further and further from us. When I was 10, all I desired was a Spiderman action figure. Now?
Success.
Easier said than done, huh?
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